Capped Gas

This blog post will surprise some of you.  It's easy to assume that my days of infinite glory on the proverbial classroom battle ground are checkered with frequent moments of victories, both small and large, and that I prance about my kingdom with Peony petals littered at my feet.  Like I'm the King George of commandeers to my students.  Revered like a pontiff.  Respected like the most tenured of academics at Yale.  Esteemed like a Lord Chancellor.

The reality is that only one facet of the fictional world I just described is truth:  we do experience frequent moments of victory, both small and large.  We also experience real life, real gross, real gassy problems.  

Several years ago I had a conversation with a school nurse about a periodic problem that arises with adolescents, a problem known as Frequent and Intentional Flatulence.  She taught me what has been my go-to gas containment strategy for those scholars of mine who simply cannot avoid the joy they bring themselves (and some of their cohorts) by eliciting collective gasps, guffaws, and gags.  Moses himself would have been proud of some of the row parting skills demonstrated by victims of Frequent and Intentional Flatulence.  Thanks to my go-to, never-fail strategy the nurse taught me, however, I've all but eliminated this issue in my domain.  

Recently, though, I had to visit the strategy, which goes something like this:  

"Scholar XYZ, you seem to be experiencing trouble managing your bodily functions.  I realize that must be uncomfortable for you.  If the trouble persists, I will have no option - in the interest of your health, but to refer you to the campus nurse.  She will triage you to determine if you may have a gastrointestinal problem that should be addressed by a physician.  The nurse will then refer your parents to a suitable digestive specialist."  

Several females in the class period stood up and applauded.  So, Laura, school nurse now living in the great white north, you should know that your advice was and still is brilliantly effective.

Carry on.

Paranormal APPtivity

The short story below is from my teammate, Carol.  She provided her grace in me quoting her, here:

"Paranormal activity?  So today during 5^th period my projector shut off. It did this once yesterday so I didn’t think too much of it. Then, it came back on, and then off again. It did this during the entire class time maybe ten times or so. I kept switching from writing on the board to showing the video/ppt. The students were so distracted, “It’s back on, Miss!” etc. THEN, they hollered, “The TV’s on!” and it was! And guess what it was showing? Sex and the City! It was thankfully not as bad as it could have been, but there was kissing involved. I have no remote for the TV, couldn’t reach to see a button, but in an effort to protect the eyes of my innocent students, I found the strength to shove over my bookshelf to reach behind it to unplug the TV.

Then the projector came back on and NEVER went back off again. The projector remote was sitting on the cart then entire time.

My TV shall remain unplugged. I have never turned it on- ever. I don’t even know how. If it comes on again while it’s unplugged, I’m going home.

Yes, I completed an SOS. I’m sure they are getting a good laugh out of it."

<SOS:  literally, what it sounds like, except it's created for the district technology staff to blessedly assist with varied tech problems.>

After some discussion with other colleagues, the culprit may not be paranormal activity but rather wily, tech-savvy students who have found one of the many device apps available that can tinker with nearby electronic equipment.  

Top Ten Reasons To Explore Your Inner Cajun At Caddo Lake

1. Cajuns are cool cats.  They are a potpourri of redneck, French, mystery, hilarity, and worldly wisdom.
2. Lodging is easily accessible, laid back, and extremely budget-friendly.
3. The scenery and topography is breathtaking, which makes item #2 curious.  But I don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
4. There is literally no other place in Texas like it, to my knowledge.  In a state occupied largely by flat plains, Caddo Lake makes this tree lover and east Texas native enter hyper tree appreciation mode, topped with oodles of Spanish moss.
5. I think there is a quantity of signs and notices in the Caddo Lake area to justify a "Funny Signs of Caddo Lake" web site.  My favorite of late is "Ronnie's Bar & Grill, Coming Soon," seen near a pair of lawn chairs and a Weber charcoal grill.
6. Quiet, stillness, bright stars, lush vegetation.  If you're like me and you live in a Texas metropolitan area (that hasn't quite mastered the inclusion of nature in development), it's welcome to "get away."
7. Canoeing, paddling, boating, bird watching, fishing, and, despite Alexis's and the locals' claims of safely doing so (versus my skepticism and appreciation of aquatic reptiles), swimming.
8. An excellent reason to sing this song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnKOVPXhlnE
9. Ladybird Johnson grew up on Caddo Lake.
10. Caddo is Texas's only natural lake.

Things I learned on this adventure:

1. If Alexis says we're paddling through it, we're paddling through it.  Or under it, over it, or around it.
2. Sharby is a fantastic Adventure Partner!  I mean, pahdner.
3. Despite my assertion that "I'm not ready!" to be launched into the lake, in the canoe, from the pier steps - I mean, the steps WERE the launching pad, and despite Sharby's feeble attempt to back me up, I was ready.  Just a wee bit wet afterward.  Alexis is a mother of two so surely she knows water and canoe safety.  Who are we to argue, right?
4. This trio comprised a magical dynamic.  How can you fail when you have non-stop laughter?
5. Did anyone grab the cheese puffs?

This photo represents the essence of the trip, "laughs like whoa." --S. Hunt:

These photos demonstrate that even teachers aren't above trespassing in (on?) someone's private duck blind:

Where we began:

Where we turned around for dinner:

Generally delightful and typical Caddo Lake scenes:

Curious about that muck on the water surface?  It's a non-native water plant introduced to the area and has been giving the locals, fishermen, boaters, and tourists headaches for several years.  Article regarding the on-going attempts to annihilate the stuff:  http://cise.tamu.edu/caddo

These scenes are of a little monkeying around Jefferson, a charming hamlet near Caddo Lake:

With all adventures, there comes a time to return to real life.  Here is a sampling of our road trip sustenance:

The door Alexis picked up in Jefferson, seen over my left shoulder, was quickly transformed into a lovely headboard by her creative hands over her master bed:

Perhaps the Weber will have expanded by the time our next Caddo adventure commences.  If you look closely, you can spy it in the far, near-right of this photo:

Yes, you CANcun!

It's a Super Bowl!  It's a birthday!  It's <insert any reason> a splendid time to visit Mexico!

***links and linky destinations are in bold text***

Just a couple of hours - you're in the air, then you're landing - south you'll find the tropical and forever summer backyard of Tejas, Cancun.  Mr. Green surprised me with a two night jaunt, in the Mexican sun, in honor of an honorable birthday:  f-f-f-f-f-f-f-forrrrrrrrty.  I <thankfully> still feel a bit like a kid lurking in an adult body, with adult responsibilities and adult birthday ages.  So what does a kid do on a birthday?  Play in the sand, naturally.

Sideways view from hotel room balcony:

Standing upright view from hotel property:

Mother Nature's natural exfoliate:

Good ol JW  treated us mighty fine.  It's a beautiful property, inside and out (as is attested by the photos above).  Indoors, I normally always examine the "facilities" of the hotel room first-off and they did not disappoint:

This gal appreciates the "take-the-leftovers-worthy" lavender bath products that were left in the cheery bathroom organization pottery:

I am normally never disappointed with the superior freshness of food in the Yucatan and its incredible flavor.  This trip was no different in that arena!  We mixed things up with some food obtained from the hotel and some food enjoyed off property, but in Cancun proper.  Here are a few glimpses of the taste bud temptations:

Don't be deterred by the tourist torture facade of Captain's Cove; the brunch spread there was slap-your-mamma divine.  

We managed to work in some culture over the weekend at the Mayan Museum.  This is an incredibly well organized and beautiful place; make time to stop in the next time you're in Cancun proper.  

Here's Mr. Green acquiring our entry tickets:

...and you begin by swirling up this structure that reminds me of the innards of a DQ soft serve cone; as Charley Green pointed out: "The Mayans didn't use elevators.":

I was especially appreciative of the Mayan jewelry:

With this being my first Mayan Museum experience, I cannot say for certain but I felt like the artifacts were not only plentiful but also in immaculate shape:

Seeing Mayan ruins in the middle of Cancun proper, within spitting distance of the traffic-way, was both cool and semi-depressing:

We trekked into Cancun proper to watch the Super Bowl, at:

...but quickly u-turned after the first quarter.  The restaurant staff had more than adequately prepared for a crowd, and hopping it was - but we tired of the spring break aura and the staff, applaud them, cheered spiritedly for both teams, each and every game moment, game change, game event, game update and dramatic moment.  "Come on!  Stand on the table!  Yes! Go! Go! Go!"  We finished out the game at the hotel lobby bar, which sported (see what I did there?) more than enough large and high definition televisions.

I'll sign off here with a few photos that represent some of my favorite moments over the trip.

Hey fella, you could use some lotion:

Don't be shy, guy:

Peachy canal-side table score before a pair of ladies staked their claim on it while we were at the buffet:

I apologize for this photo:

Nirvana:

Freckle reduction:

Charley, recreating a scene we encountered; a father hoisting a naked bebe up for a decent rinse:

Being physically unable to refrain from routinely saying, "You put the lime in the coconut...":