You might be from Portland if you:

Disclaimer:  the friends I have in Portland are not from Portland (everyone I know there is actually from east Tejas or they are married to someone from east Tejas - 3.5 degrees of separation from east TX, give or take...) but they do live there and will probably find humor in the items pasted below that I shamelessly snagged from a random page on the inter-webs.  The first item in the list nails me on the forehead tried and true, and though there are many quips about rain in Portland in that list, the region receives the same or even less, in some cases, rainfall than average rainfall about the nation.  But first, a recap of the latest Andrea-Heather adventure in Portlandia:

Day 1:  I arrived in time for din-din and joined David and Andrea Hampton at Paragon in The Pearl for a stomach hugging feast of grown up grilled cheese sammich, grown up mac-n-cheese, a Texas sized salad, along with a pot roast that looked like a protein paradise.  

Day 2:  Andrea took me to a boat launching.  A BOAT.  I mean, a rather large one, too.  A barge, actually.  One of Andrea's clients, Gunderson Marine, launched a barge for one of their clients and the event was open to the public.  This was a true first for me and I hope I get to experience another such site! We're talking massive height, massive weight, massive hulking movement into the river.  Complete with champagne smashing!  Here's a short read on the history of wasting a perfectly good bottle of bubbly on a metal breast (what I term the front of the boat):  http://mentalfloss.com/article/12612/why-are-bottles-champagne-smashed-new-ships  Here are some photos of the launching, though I must be honest and admit that I didn't capture a great shot of the barge sliding into the river, so I borrowed one from the inter-webs that displays an aerial view of the entry:

 

 

 

 

 

 

<it probably goes without saying, but coffee and good breakfast is interspersed routinely during most any of my adventures>

Later on day 2, Andrea and I traveled out to Ardiri Winery & Vineyards to conduct grape and soil acidity studies.  Ppppfffftttt.  Ardiri was a lovely destination and you can see from the photos that Portland's region offers plenty of scenic wow-ery:

Later that evening, the stars and moons aligned, Pluto was a planet once again, The Money Pit was playing repeatedly on cable and Charley's weekend work travel placed him in Portland that very night!  The Hamptons and the Greens met for a scrumptious meal chock full of gastric home-runs and fun company. Davis Street Tavern was a solid Urban Spoon selection by Andrea and I loved the warm ambiance in the restaurant.

Day 3:  Charley was back en route to Dallas even before the environmentally aware Portland roosters sounded.  Andrea, David and myself enjoyed coffee, breakfast and the company of Molly (seen in the photos below), the Portland Cafe Doggy at Ross Island Grocery:  

Later, <the font randomly changes as I compose posts and I've decided it's simply not a battle I shall fight any longer> Andrea treated me to a much needed and much appreciated pedicure --> a tradition during our adventures.  We intended to visit our friends (also Texans) the Robertson-Beans at their Pearl boutique http://www.mabelandzora.com/, the cutest dern collaboration of fashion, art, Doris Day, good causes, community and love.  Tiffany even has her OWN fashion line IN her store now!  But, the intent to pop into the store that same day was blown to smithereens and I have only myself and two shoe stores on which to place blame.  On the plus side, I have turned the corner and officially become a very particular shoe purchaser.  I've come a long way since my days of single digit price shoe purchases, the likes of which left their stamp, autograph and guts - literally, along the Gulf Coast of Texas and plains of north Texas.  Let's face it:  our human feet have always been sensitive and warranting of proper support, but it's not until we reach a certain age, ahem, that many of us gals realize:  long periods in shoes/on feet + cute shoes can STICK IT.  My - pun intended - Achilles Heel is the comfort of my feet and, as I recently read, "It's sometimes a good day in middle school if the teacher leaves the workday without having bitten a child."  Happy feet ensure that I will likely never succumb to workplace cannibalism.  

Day 4: Andrea and I took in a vigorous hike up Council Crest.  Here are a few photos of the gorgeous park:

Before Andrea dropped me at the airportico, we had a little fun at a costume store:

Upon my return to work from my absence, the megahorn was making an obscene screeching noise that seemingly cannot be repaired.  The kids reported that the substitute covering my classes on that date dropped my precious meghorn and when she put Humpty Dumpty back together, he was making that same obscene noise.

My emotional state upon learning of this development:

You might be from Portland if you:

• You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
• Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.
• You know a bride & groom that registered at REI.
• When you drive out of town, every other guy in a pickup truck looks like the governor.
• When you drive out of town, even the Hondas have gun racks.
• You can point in the direction of two or more volcanoes even though you can't see them due to clouds.
• Know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
• Everyday is casual Friday.
• Know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
• Feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
• Stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal.
• Consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.
• Can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.
• Know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
• Know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon and Willamette.
• Consider swimming an indoor sport.
• Never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
• Are not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain," and "Tomorrow's  forecast: rain followed by showers."
• You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks."
• Have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
• Know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
• You exclaim "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
• Put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and Gore-Tex coat.
• Switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
• Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
• Think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
• Buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time.
• You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.
• You use a down comforter in the summer.
• You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
• You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (spring), Road Construction (summer) Deer & Elk season (Fall).
• You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.

Tuesday tee-hees

A regretful hip replacement:

My dear, generous and huge with heart friend Donna hosted a bridal tea for me before my wedding.  She sent me this note after the party weekend:

"So I was very tired Monday morning & barely able to function & apparently see.  I slapped Luke’s sandwich together & the rest of his lunch & stuck it in the fridge & took off.  Well, I pick him up yesterday about 5:30 & our conversation begins with [after initial greetings].  Luke: “Do you know what food group fungi is classified as?  Is it a carbohydrate?  Do you think it is on the food pyramid?”  Me: “Why are you asking me this?”  Luke: “Well my sandwich bread was pretty much green with mold/fungi & I was wondering what you were trying to feed me.  You know I have not really been properly fed since Friday since you were so busy preparing for your party & not preparing me meals.”  He went on to explain that he had to negotiate/trade 1 sugar cookie & half his chips for 2 slices of white bread from a teammate [they eat in the locker room….talk about exposure to fungi!] who happens to bring a loaf of bread & a jar of peanut butter for lunch daily!  He trashed his bread & removed the outer portion of his lunch meat to salvage his lunch."

I appreciate this idea:

The screen shot below details an exchange I experienced with an unknown texter.  I honestly don't know if the sender intentionally tinkered with me, or if I was the accidental recipient of a legitimate military communications exchange.  I watched the news carefully over the next day or so to ensure that I wouldn't need to carry any guilt about potentially disrupting an important undercover operation.  My responses are in blue background below.

We've all been here:

It's a celebration

A little Kool & The Gang to accompany your Sunday afternoon, ladies and gents.

My dear friend (plus an original road dog) Jamie traveled with me recently to New York City in an effort to celebrate her 40th birthday.  And, as my campus teammates know well by this catch phrase, "Effort Produces Achievement."  We had an absolute ball.  You know you're in a true friendship when you travel with someone and afterward know you can happily travel with said person again in the future.  Thank you for a spectacular time, allowing me to share in your birthday celebration, Jamie!

Here are the top moments, from my perspective:

1. Flying with Jamie on her first ever air travel experience!  That's not something to take lightly.  The older a person is, the harder it is to try something new, especially something like flying - the physics of which never fail to utterly creep me out if I ponder too long...
2. I've been to NYC previously, but Jamie introduced me to Broadway!  We took in two shows, The Fantastiks & NEWSical the Musical. Both shows were off the charts entertaining, and one of the photos below is a bootlegged image taken inside The Kirk Theatre.  Jamie and her clan are community theatre directors, actors, singers, etc., and I jokingly refer to them collectively as the von Trapps.
3. The New York Public Library - another destination I had not yet explored.  Gorgeous!  Vast! Historic!  Regal!  Grand!  Jamie is a librarian and sweetly purchased NYC library bags, with the iconic lion's profile on them, for each of her library colleagues back home.  One of the photos below was taken in a free photo booth set up in the library.  There was also a marvelous children's exhibit that we took in:  The ABC of It:  Why Children's Books Matter.  Did you know that in the beginning days of libraries, children's books were not included?
4. M&M Explosion:  a theatre guest at The Fantastiks brought her own 16 ounces of peanut M&Ms to the show.  In fumbling around, unsuccessfully trying to open the bag, the bag seemingly said, "Oh yeah, you wanna poke around on me, well I'll show you, lady!" and, well, you get the picture.  The theatre barkeep dropped his head into his hands, appalled.  I wondered later why I didn't get up to help clear the candy explosion, but thinking back, neither did the M&M launcher herself.  Well all just silently watched the M&Ms roll about to varied destinations on the lobby floor.  I watched the barkeep retrieve the vacuum cleaner, thinking that plucking the candies off the floor by hand would be much simpler, but then I watched, mesmerized, as the barkeep sucked up each M&M, one by one, with the vacuum attachment.  Place, suck, ping.  Place, suck, ping.  Place, suck, ping.
5. Little Italy.  Always a favorite.  I'd like to spend more time in that area in the future, explore the museums there, check out the streets off of Mulberry, take in more hearty Italian food and people watch.  One of the photos below is of a gal walking her Standard Poodles in Little Italy.
6. Miscellaneous:  "Stop with ya horns!" - NYC traffic cop, yelling (justifiably so).  "We're trying to take off, here!"  - Heather, teacher command voice, directed at a passenger still using his cell phone, after a weather delay.  "I'm just a gay boy in Times Square, don't be afraid of me!" - a gay boy in Times Square, handing out NEWSical the Musical flyers and sensing that I was steering Jamie away from what I was just sure was merely another tour guide sales pitch.  I'm glad he said what he did - to capture our attention (and Peppermint Patty Laughs) because it was the motivation we needed to decide upon which show to see that day - and it was stellar! "Gimme that other ten!" - jazz musician on the streets who earned a sale from Jamie, upon seeing she had more cash in her wallet after she paid him for his CD.  To which Jamie replied, paraphrasing, "Hey, I have five kids to feed, you got your money from me!"
7. Gyro from a "roach coach."  Delicious meal.

Some photos:

New York Public Library photo booth

Above:  post office

Above:  parade, reason for parade, unknown

Above:  Chinatown

Above:  lunch on patio in Little Italy

Above:  lunch location

Above:  Mulberry Street, Little Italy

Above:  Little Italy pooches

Above:  I really like these lights seen in some of the subway platform areas

Above:  Children's annex at the public library

Above:  genealogy research area of library

Above:  Jamie, in the library children's books exhibit

Above:  Jamie, taking a photo of Dean & DeLuca (Jamie just finished watching all seasons of Felicity)

Above:  Jamie, with New York's finest

Above:  Jamie and Heather, at The Kirk Theatre

Above:  best little accidental stop in New York City.  Beer Authority Bar & Grill, and fun patio band

Above:  mailbox